Frank Sinatra and the Carbuncle

Have you ever been mistaken for someone else? I don’t mean has anyone ever mistook you for Mr or Mrs Clutterbuck at number 32, but for someone famous?

Feeling Unwell

I’m talking Frank Sinatra famous? It happened to me a few years ago now. Suffering from Oesophagitis, things got to a point where I was hospitalised for a few days. Nothing serious, but it had got to the point where I couldn’t swallow any food. I have to admit, I was scared, but it turned out to be easily treatable with a little bit of poking about and long term medication. Anyway, I’m digressing.

Meeting Snortbag

Arriving at the hospital around 10:00 pm I was assessed and assigned to a ward which contained another five guys. In the bed opposite me was a guy who could snore for England. Honestly, from the moment his eyes closed, which was quite often, day or night, he would snore with a capital S. It drove me nuts! It is safe to say, I never got too much sleep while I was there.

Meeting Ted

The first morning after my arrival, I met Ted who was a patient in the bed next to mine. He was probably in his late 60’s or early 70’s and compared to snort bag in the bed opposite, he was a real gentleman. After lying awake all night, I could sense Ted looking over at me with a stare, as though I had landed from space. Feeling irritable from lack of sleep, I wasn’t in any mood for staring shenanigans or any other shenanigans for that matter. It wasn’t long before he was up and about and came over to me.

I Know You

“Hello mate, what time did they bring you in then? What’s wrong with you? I’ve got a carbuncle and it hurts!” I have no idea what a carbuncle is and said I was sorry and I’d been admitted with something wrong with my digestive system. “They’ll sort you out, mate. I’ve seen you before, ain’t I? You’re the Frank Sinatra guy who sings at our club. I’ve got to say, you’re very good, just like him. That New York, New York you do, that’s fantastic. The best one I’ve seen. Wait till my Missus comes to visit and sees you here.”

What A Day

After a night of no sleep, the shock of being rushed into hospital, listening to Mr Snortbag at 1,000 decibels and now being mistaken for a Frank Sinatra tribute singer I can say that I really wasn’t feeling my best. Ted was adamant that I was the guy from his club who performed Frank Sinatra. The more I remonstrated with him, the more he would say things like, “It’s ok, I won’t let your secret out, it’s safe with me, mate” giving me a wink of his right eye followed by, “Hey, Nurse, this guy is a great singer, he sings Frank Sinatra at me club! He’s really good.” Thankfully, the nurses were too busy to take much notice of him plus I think they tried to get off the ward while Snortbag was in full flow.

Anyone and Everyone

The few days I was in the hospital seemed more like a few years. Although I liked Ted, his incessant going on about me being a Frank Sinatra tribute singer at his club really got on my nerves. Anyone and everyone who came onto the ward, Nurses, Doctors, Students, Cleaners, Visitors and even the guy who came around selling newspapers all got the same message off him. “Trev sings Frank Sinatra at me club, he’s really good!” No one seems interested although it doesn’t stop me going red-faced.

Discharge Day

On the day of my discharge, there was the usual hanging around while waiting for prescriptions and the Doctor to sign papers saying I’m all good to go. While Snortbag was droning away in his bed, Ted had been taken to theatre to have his carbuncle dealt with. I left a note on his bed, wishing him well in the future. I signed it with love from ‘ol blue eyes!’ I’m thinking the Frank Sinatra tribute act at his club will be in for a shock the next time Ted sees him. He’s going to swear it was him who was in the hospital.

Here’s a real Frank Sinatra Tribute.